I'm bored... So I better tell ya all a little bed time story! 🧐

Now then, gather round, sit thee sen down and I'll tell thee about the time I was sick on a fat lass on a rollercoaster. It were a sunny day by t' seaside, and me and me mates decided to go to a theme park. I'd never been on a rollercoaster before, but me mates were on at me all day to go on it. I'd heard on t' news about the time when everyone got their legs chopped off after one crashed, so I weren't too keen. 🤭

Anyway, before we went on, I decided to have a little snack. I ate five donuts, a milkshake, some crab sticks and fish and chips. I was so full but didn't think anything of it at the time. We get on the ride, and there were all sorts of weirdos getting on too - there was a lad with a mullet, a woman with a parrot on her shoulder, and a fat girl who were sat in front of me.

Now, let me tell thee, that ride were fast. It made me feel dizzy and I hated every second of it. As we got off, I started to feel sick. I tried to keep it down, but it were no use. I puked all over the fat girl sat in front, right on top of her head. She weren't too pleased, let me tell thee. She slapped me right in the face, and I couldn't blame her. That were the last time I ever went on a rollercoaster. 😝

Lesson learned: don't go on a rollercoaster with a full stomach. And if you do, make sure you puke on the person who deserves it. 🤢🤮🙈😂 #neveragain #sickasadog #rollercoasterofhell

It's about damn time spring came around. I don't know about you but I was getting real tired of those cold winter snaps. Now that the sun is out and the birds are singing, I can finally take a stroll around the duck pond again... wow I sound like a boring old man 😆

One of my favourite things to do in the spring is take walks around the duck pond/nature park near to where I live. There's something about the fresh air and the sound of the birds that just makes me feel alive. But, I swear to god, if I see one more condom lying on the ground, I'm gonna lose it. What kind of sick freaks are out there doing who-knows-what by the pond at night? It's like a breeding ground for perverts and weirdos.

I mean, what kind of sicko leaves used condoms lying around near a public walking path for others to walk on? The sight of discarded condoms and other miscellaneous debris littering the paths is enough to make me want to gag. 🤮🤮🤮

Are people so morally bankrupt nowadays that they can't even be bothered to dispose of their own seedy rubbish? It's a disgrace, and a blight on the otherwise serene beauty of this place. Who knows what kind of filth and disease these perverts have left behind?

If only we had a pack of dogs to chase these scumbags away. Or better yet, let's bring back fox hunting and use these perverts as prey. It's time to take matters into our own hands and rid society of these twisted freaks once and for all. They deserve nothing less than to be shot on sight.

So let this be a warning to all those who dare to defile the sanctity of our public spaces. We will not stand idly by as you desecrate our parks and playgrounds. 🤬 The wrath of justice will be swift and merciless. We will find you, and we will make you pay!!! 😠

#Spring #Walks #Weirdos

Iv got a killer headache all because I decided to go out with some friends last night to a party. Note to self: never do that again. 😝

At the party, I met a guy who was, let's say, interesting. He kept picking his nose and flicking bogies around like a crazy person. The worst part? He wasn't even discreet about it. He was flicking them at everyone, including innocent passerby's who were just trying to enjoy their night out. 🤮

I was so freaked out by this guy's behaviour that I kept brushing my clothes, feeling like I had bogies all over me. I mean, I get it, we all have our quirks, but this was just too much. I couldn't even enjoy the party because I was constantly on edge, waiting for the next bogie to come flying my way.

The party wasn't the greatest iv been too... it was just one of those boring overly loud ones where nobody really talks.

To make matters worse, the police showed up and broke up the party. The music was too loud, and I guess the neighbours finally had enough. I was bummed out because I was just starting to have a good time. But then, the guy who liked to pick his nose did something even more outrageous. He flicked a bogie at one of the policemen behind his back. I swear, I couldn't believe my eyes as it stuck to his shoulder.

And the cherry on top of this crappy cake? I didn't even drink that much. I must be getting old because I'm becoming more of a lightweight with every passing day.

If anyone has any decent hangover remedies or anything then I'm all ears! 👂👂👂
#PartyTime #Weirdo #BangingHeadache

Today, I decided to go for a run, and boy, was it a shock to my system. I mean, I haven't done any form of exercise in ages, thanks to the lockdown. It's amazing how quickly we lose our fitness levels, isn't it? But hey, better late than never, right?

Anyway, as I was jogging along, trying to get my breathing under control, I saw this guy. He was standing by the pond, shouting at the ducks. I kid you not. I mean, who does that? I tried to avoid eye contact, just in case he decided to turn his attention to me. I don't know about you, but I'm not too fond of being attacked by a crazy person. There are definitely more weirdos in the world now after the pandemic.

I think I'm making progress with my fitness. I mean, I may have been out of breath and feeling like I was about to keel over after my run, but that's just a small price to pay for a healthier me, right?

Today's run was an eye-opener. I realized that I have a long way to go before I can call myself fit, and that there are some seriously weird people out there. But, as they say, laughter is the best medicine, so I'm just going to laugh it off and keep running.

#Diary #KeepingFit #CrazyPeople