3 yr. ago
I'm bored... So I better tell ya all a little bed time story! 🧐
Now then, gather round, sit thee sen down and I'll tell thee about the time I was sick on a fat lass on a rollercoaster. It were a sunny day by t' seaside, and me and me mates decided to go to a theme park. I'd never been on a rollercoaster before, but me mates were on at me all day to go on it. I'd heard on t' news about the time when everyone got their legs chopped off after one crashed, so I weren't too keen. 🤭
Anyway, before we went on, I decided to have a little snack. I ate five donuts, a milkshake, some crab sticks and fish and chips. I was so full but didn't think anything of it at the time. We get on the ride, and there were all sorts of weirdos getting on too - there was a lad with a mullet, a woman with a parrot on her shoulder, and a fat girl who were sat in front of me.
Now, let me tell thee, that ride were fast. It made me feel dizzy and I hated every second of it. As we got off, I started to feel sick. I tried to keep it down, but it were no use. I puked all over the fat girl sat in front, right on top of her head. She weren't too pleased, let me tell thee. She slapped me right in the face, and I couldn't blame her. That were the last time I ever went on a rollercoaster. 😝
Lesson learned: don't go on a rollercoaster with a full stomach. And if you do, make sure you puke on the person who deserves it. 🤢🤮🙈😂 #neveragain #sickasadog #rollercoasterofhell
Now then, gather round, sit thee sen down and I'll tell thee about the time I was sick on a fat lass on a rollercoaster. It were a sunny day by t' seaside, and me and me mates decided to go to a theme park. I'd never been on a rollercoaster before, but me mates were on at me all day to go on it. I'd heard on t' news about the time when everyone got their legs chopped off after one crashed, so I weren't too keen. 🤭
Anyway, before we went on, I decided to have a little snack. I ate five donuts, a milkshake, some crab sticks and fish and chips. I was so full but didn't think anything of it at the time. We get on the ride, and there were all sorts of weirdos getting on too - there was a lad with a mullet, a woman with a parrot on her shoulder, and a fat girl who were sat in front of me.
Now, let me tell thee, that ride were fast. It made me feel dizzy and I hated every second of it. As we got off, I started to feel sick. I tried to keep it down, but it were no use. I puked all over the fat girl sat in front, right on top of her head. She weren't too pleased, let me tell thee. She slapped me right in the face, and I couldn't blame her. That were the last time I ever went on a rollercoaster. 😝
Lesson learned: don't go on a rollercoaster with a full stomach. And if you do, make sure you puke on the person who deserves it. 🤢🤮🙈😂 #neveragain #sickasadog #rollercoasterofhell
3 yr. ago
(E)
Right, I'm gonna be talking about a very serious issue: chocolate addiction. I woke up this mornin with a right banjo on me 'ead, and it weren't from a night on the ale. Nah, it was from eatin too much of that sweet, sweet cocoa goodness. 🤤
Now, I know what some of you might be thinking: "Pete, what's wrong with lovin chocolate?" Well, let me tell ya, it's a slippery slope, innit? One minute you're nibbling on a Twix, the next you're necking a whole Dairy Milk in one sittin. It's like tryin to stop a runaway train once you've got a taste for it.
I remember one time, I was sneakin a bit of choccy in the kitchen when I dropped a piece on the floor. I quickly scooped it up and popped it in me gob... only to realise it weren't chocolate at all. Nah, it was a bloody piece of dog poo. I was mortified, I tell ya. Had to send me pooch to the kennels after that, where he belongs. 😁
But all joking aside, addiction is a serious matter. It can take over your life and ruin relationships. So if you're struggling with a chocolate addiction like me, don't be afraid to seek help. Whether it's therapy, support groups, or brain surgery. LOL!
So there you have it, folks. Another pearl of wisdom from yer mate Pete. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to raid the fridge for any leftover Easter eggs. Ta-ra! 🍫
#Chocolate #Addiction #Easter #PearlsOfWisdom
Now, I know what some of you might be thinking: "Pete, what's wrong with lovin chocolate?" Well, let me tell ya, it's a slippery slope, innit? One minute you're nibbling on a Twix, the next you're necking a whole Dairy Milk in one sittin. It's like tryin to stop a runaway train once you've got a taste for it.
I remember one time, I was sneakin a bit of choccy in the kitchen when I dropped a piece on the floor. I quickly scooped it up and popped it in me gob... only to realise it weren't chocolate at all. Nah, it was a bloody piece of dog poo. I was mortified, I tell ya. Had to send me pooch to the kennels after that, where he belongs. 😁
But all joking aside, addiction is a serious matter. It can take over your life and ruin relationships. So if you're struggling with a chocolate addiction like me, don't be afraid to seek help. Whether it's therapy, support groups, or brain surgery. LOL!
So there you have it, folks. Another pearl of wisdom from yer mate Pete. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to raid the fridge for any leftover Easter eggs. Ta-ra! 🍫
#Chocolate #Addiction #Easter #PearlsOfWisdom
3 yr. ago
Alright then, let me tell you about my night out last night, it were a right barrel of laughs 🤣. So, there I was sipping on my pint, minding my own business, when I clocked this lass giving me the eye 👀. I thought to myself, "Reyt, Peter, you've still got it, lad!" So, I gave her a wave, like you do, only to realise she was actually gesturing to her mate behind me 🤦♂️. I quickly changed my wave into a head scratch, like I was just having a bit of a scratch like a dog, you know?
But that weren't the weirdest thing that happened, oh no. Next thing you know, I've accidentally knocked into this dwarf bloke, I didn't even see him because he was barely taller than my knees. Well, you can imagine my shock when he started getting all up in my face, he were like a little angry hobbit 🧝♂️. But I managed to diffuse the situation with a bit of good-natured banter, told him he'd make a great garden gnome. Next thing you know, he's head butted one of my mates in the groan, I was in stitches 🤣.
And if that wasn't enough, one of my other mates nearly got himself arrested for doing a moony at a passer-by for no good reason. And get this, there was a copper stood right next to him and he didn't even realise! 🚓 Honestly, we were all in stitches, even the police officer was having a bit of a chuckle 🤣.
What a night, eh? It's little moments like these that make life worth living. So, if you're ever feeling down in the dumps, just remember, there's always a dwarf ready to head butt your mate in the groan to cheer you up 😂.
#LifesApeach #Banter #NightOut
But that weren't the weirdest thing that happened, oh no. Next thing you know, I've accidentally knocked into this dwarf bloke, I didn't even see him because he was barely taller than my knees. Well, you can imagine my shock when he started getting all up in my face, he were like a little angry hobbit 🧝♂️. But I managed to diffuse the situation with a bit of good-natured banter, told him he'd make a great garden gnome. Next thing you know, he's head butted one of my mates in the groan, I was in stitches 🤣.
And if that wasn't enough, one of my other mates nearly got himself arrested for doing a moony at a passer-by for no good reason. And get this, there was a copper stood right next to him and he didn't even realise! 🚓 Honestly, we were all in stitches, even the police officer was having a bit of a chuckle 🤣.
What a night, eh? It's little moments like these that make life worth living. So, if you're ever feeling down in the dumps, just remember, there's always a dwarf ready to head butt your mate in the groan to cheer you up 😂.
#LifesApeach #Banter #NightOut
